7 Common Patterns Couples Get Stuck In and How Marriage Counselling Can Help
- Isaac Bailey
- Dec 17, 2025
- 3 min read
Relationships often face challenges that feel overwhelming and repetitive. Many couples find themselves trapped in familiar patterns that cause frustration, distance, or hurt. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward change. Marriage counselling offers a clear framework to identify what’s happening and practical steps to improve communication and rebuild connection. This post explores seven common patterns couples get stuck in and how Yurandalli's relationship counselling in Wollongong and online couples counselling Wollongong can help couples move forward.
1. The Criticism and Defensiveness Cycle
One partner criticizes, and the other responds with defensiveness. This cycle escalates conflict instead of resolving it. Criticism often targets personality or character, which feels like a personal attack. Defensiveness then shuts down open communication.
What to do instead:
Use “I” statements to express feelings without blaming. For example, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”
Practice active listening by repeating or re-phrasing what your partner says to show understanding.
Yurandalli's marriage counselling Wollongong can teach couples how to break this cycle with communication in relationships techniques that promote respect and empathy.
2. Stonewalling and Withdrawal
When overwhelmed, one partner may shut down emotionally or physically withdraw from conversations. This leaves the other partner feeling ignored or abandoned, increasing tension.
What to do instead:
Recognize signs of overwhelm and take a short break to calm down.
Agree on a time to return to the conversation.
Yurandalli's couples counselling Wollongong often helps couples develop healthy ways to pause and reconnect without shutting down.
3. Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic
One partner seeks closeness and connection, while the other pulls away to maintain space. This pattern creates frustration and misunderstanding on both sides.
What to do instead:
Identify each partner’s needs for closeness and independence.
Set boundaries that feel safe and respectful for both.
Yurandalli's online couples counselling Wollongong can support couples in balancing these needs through guided exercises and communication strategies.
4. Repeating Past Conflicts
Couples often revisit the same arguments without resolution. This repetition can feel like being stuck in a loop, increasing resentment.
What to do instead:
Focus on the underlying issues rather than surface arguments.
Use conflict resolution tools to find compromises or agreements.
Relationship counselling Wollongong provides a safe space to explore these deeper issues and develop lasting solutions.
5. Lack of Emotional Safety
When couples don’t feel safe sharing vulnerabilities, they may hide feelings or avoid important topics. This damages trust and intimacy.
What to do instead:
Create a non-judgmental space for sharing emotions.
Validate each other’s feelings even if you disagree.
Yurandalli's Marriage counselling Wollongong focuses on rebuilding trust by fostering emotional safety and openness.
6. Unequal Effort and Responsibility
One partner may feel they are putting more effort into the relationship, leading to frustration and imbalance.
What to do instead:
Discuss expectations and responsibilities openly.
Share tasks and emotional labour fairly.
Couples counselling Wollongong helps couples negotiate roles and build teamwork.
7. Avoiding Intimacy and Connection
Stress, busy schedules, or unresolved conflicts can lead couples to avoid intimacy, both emotional and physical.
What to do instead:
Prioritize quality time together, even in small ways.
Express appreciation and affection regularly.
Online couples counselling Wollongong can guide couples in rekindling connection and rebuilding trust.
Marriage counselling and couples counselling Wollongong offer practical support for couples stuck in these patterns. By normalising common relationship distress and providing clear frameworks, counselling helps couples understand what’s happening and try low-risk steps between sessions. Whether through face-to-face or online couples counselling, couples gain tools for better communication in relationships, effective conflict resolution, and rebuilding trust.
